


Coconut Cream Pie

by Athina_Blaine



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: M/M, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-07
Updated: 2016-04-18
Packaged: 2018-05-31 21:23:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 28
Words: 3,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6487840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Athina_Blaine/pseuds/Athina_Blaine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Snippets into the lives of three idiots.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Allergies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to my fanfiction away from fanfiction. Every day, for an indeterminable number of days, I'll be taking three words provided by you guys and making 100 word drabbles out of them. I'll be posting them here and on the Defining Bill Cipher tumblr page. I'll write them in the order they're received. Go [here](http://definingbillcipher.tumblr.com/ask) to submit your word. You can submit as many times as you like.

Dipper tucked the box of bobbleheads under his arm as he hurried downstairs. It was his turn to restock inventory. As he approached the gift shop, he only had a moment’s notice before Bill appeared and chucked a pan full of dust in his face. The box crashed to the floor.

“Bill!” Deeper screeched, eyes watering. He kitten-sneezed into the crook of his elbow as Bill laughed.

“Your sneezes are so adorable,” Bill said as Dipper continued to sneeze uncontrollably. Dipper ran off in search of a tissue box.

Bill was no longer in charge of sweeping the gift shop.


	2. Safety

“Okay, Bill, now take off the safety,” said Mabel.

Bill thumbed around for the handgun’s external trigger and realized it was already off. _Shit_. “Uh, yeah. Done.”

“Try to hit the can.”

Bill aimed for the Pitt Cola can propped up a few feet away on the makeshift shooting range and pulled the trigger.

_Bang._

_Bang._

_Bang._

_Bang._

_Bang._

_Bang._

_Bang._

Bill lowered the gun, frowning deeply, before raising it again.

_Bang._

_Bang._

_Bang._

_Bang._

The gun clicked, empty. The can stood there, taunting him. Mabel drew up next to him, brow furrowed sympathetically.

“You need more practice.”


	3. Ghost

Soft lips pressed against the corner of his mouth, hands trailing his chest. Dipper reached up, knotting his fingers in soft blonde hair. He brought that mouth closer to his own, heat curling in his stomach—

A pillow smacked him in the face and Dipper woke with a strangled gasp.

“Get up, loser, we’re going to be late,” said Bill, fully dressed. He left the bedroom shortly after giving Dipper an impatient glare.

Dipper settled on his pillow with a sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose. The memory of those lips lingered.

_What’s happening to me?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Submit your word [here](http://definingbillcipher.tumblr.com/ask).


	4. Disappointment

Bill sat on the couch with his legs drawn up, facing Dipper, who still refused to look at him.

“I said I was sorry, Pine Tree.”

“I know.”

“You’re still mad.”

“I’m not mad, just …” He sighed.

With a whimper, Bill dropped his head on Dipper’s shoulder. When he got no reaction, he dropped it onto Dipper’s knee, nudging his hand.

“Come on, Pine Tree.”

Bill squirmed higher up Dipper’s chest until he was curled in his lap, face buried in his shirt.

Dipper’s lips twisted with begrudging amusement. He brought his hand to Bill’s head, patting his hair. “You’re so annoying.”

Bill smiled softly.


	5. Band-Aid

When Dipper applied the antibiotic to Bill’s skinned knee, Bill screeched and flinched away, but Dipper grabbed his leg and held it close.

“Hold still.”

Dipper leaned down to put on the band-aid, only for to Bill pull away again _._

“Aren’t you gonna kiss it?”

He blinked. “ _What?_ ”

“Doesn’t the saliva help or something?”

“ _No._ ”

“Don’t hold out on me, Pine Tree!” Bill held up his leg. “Kiss it.”

Dipper huffed, but otherwise pressed a quick kiss on Bill’s knee. “Better?” he asked, face red.

Bill pouted. “… a little.” 

Dipper rolled his eyes and smoothed the band-aid onto his skin.


	6. Lollipop

_Squlrch._

_Sluurrp._

_Crruuuunch._

Dipper sighed through his nose, trying to focus on the papers on his desk. It was incredibly difficult with Bill seated right next to him, looking over his shoulder, sucking on a lollipop. He could smell that it was watermelon flavored.

_Just ignore it._

_Sluuuuuurp._

Dipper cringed. How can one creature alone produce so many annoying noises?

_Crraacchhhk—_

Dipper swiped the lollipop from Bill’s mouth, popping it into his own. Bill’s jaw hung open in shock and Dipper could see that his tongue and teeth were stained bright green.

“That was my—”

“It’s mine now.”


	7. Lopsided

“So, Star, what do you think?”

“It’s really, um …”

Bill held up his new painting, which Mabel believed was a self-portrait. The figure, its skin a bluish purple, looked like it was screaming with blood coming out of its eyes. It was horrifying.

_I can’t say that to his face!_

“It’s really … _original_.” Bill beamed, and Mabel sighed, relieved. “Although, the ears aren’t right. One’s bigger than the other.”

Bill frowned, lowering the painting. “…you don’t get it.”

“Wha—”

Before Mabel could question it, Bill huffed and left the room. Mabel massaged her temple, shaking her head.

_Artists._


	8. Lost

How the twins were able to convince Pacifica to partake in this grubby corn maze, she had no idea. Now, she had brilliantly gotten herself lost inside.

“Dipper? _Mabel? Ugh_ ,” she groaned as her boots squelched in some mud.  _Fantastic._

She felt the movement before she saw it, and her fist instinctively flew out.

“ _BOO!_ ”

_THUNK!_

“ _OW!_ ”

Bill went down like a sack of bricks, cradling his nose. Pacifica knelt down, shaking out her aching hand.

“Oh, sorry, Bill. I didn’t know that was you.”

“ _Ow …_ _Blondie_ … why are you always punching me …?”

“…because you deserve it?”

“I …” Bill sighed. “Fair enough.”


	9. Flour

When Dipper opened the door, he could smell something burning. Shit. He followed the stench to the kitchen and froze.

The entire room was trashed as if a hurricane blew through and dumped several pounds of sugar, milk and eggs everywhere. There were footprints scattered around the floor. On top of the refrigerator, a chocolate smothered parrot squawked.

Bill, coated from head to toe in flour, was pulling something out of the stove. “Hey, you’re back,” he said, smiling. He held out a tray of small, burnt cookies. “Want some?”


	10. Tender

“It’s okay, Bill, it’s okay, it’s just me.”

Bill was huddled in the corner of their bedroom, trembling underneath a blanket. He had woken up screaming and crying and refused to let Dipper near him.

_He must have had a terrible nightmare._

“I’m going to come a little closer, Bill. Is that alright?”

Still shaking, Bill slowly nodded. Dipper crawled forward, sitting up against the wall next to Bill. He didn’t say anything or move, unwilling to risk frightening Bill further.

Bill leaned against Dipper’s side. Dipper carefully wrapped an arm around him, drawing him closer. He gently rubbed his back, murmuring, “Everything’s going to be alright, Bill.”

Eventually, Bill stopped trembling.


	11. Animal

Bill _really_ hated the zoo. It was nothing but watching dumb animals scratch themselves in the hot sun.

Somehow, he had ended up in front of a gorilla exhibit. The monster refused to do anything interesting. Bill glared at it, cracking another peanut shell between his teeth. A peevish impulse struck him and he threw the shell at the gorilla, delighted when it bopped it on the forehead.

The gorilla looked at him. Then, it opened its mouth and released the most horrifying noise Bill ever heard. Bill screamed and ran away, shouting, “ _I’m sorry, I’m sorry_ ” as he did.


	12. Pets

Dipper shook his head _._ “No. We’re not keeping it.”

Bill held an old, mangled cat in his arms. Mabel had scratch marks from wrangling the thing outside. 

Dipper felt like the cat was glaring at him with its odd, yellow eyes. “It looks like it crawled out of hell.”

“That’s because she’s had nobody to love her,” said Mabel, tears in her eyes. She huffed. “I own this house too, and _I_ say we’re keeping her. Let’s go, Bill. We can buy her new toys and a collar.”

Bill looked delighted as she led him away. Dipper rolled his eyes.


	13. Pet

Bill sat on the couch and placed his head on Dipper’s lap. Without a word, Dipper brought his hand down to Bill’s head, not lookingaway from his book. Bill had trouble keeping his eyes open as Dipper threaded his fingers through his hair.

Pleasure and warmth spread through him. Dipper massaged the back of his neck before dragging his fingertips across his eyelids. His fragrant cologne washed over his senses. It made him feel sleepy. Bill sighed, closing his eyes and basking in the warmth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drabble submissions are closed! Thanks for contributing everybody~!


	14. Cat

“Pine Tree, _Pine Tree!_ ”

Bill stood in front of Dipper’s desk, biting his lip and looking extremely pleased with himself. He was holding his hands behind his back. Dipper quirked his brow, unsure if he should take Bill’s demeanor as a warning.

“What is it, Bill?”

“I got you a present.”

“A pres—?”

Before Dipper could get the word out, Bill plopped a bloody, dead bird on his desk. Dipper shrieked, jumping to his feet. “Holy _fucking shit_ , Bill, _what the fuck?_ ”

“What?” Bill asked as Dipper fled the room. “Hey, I worked hard to get that for you, Pine Tree! _Get back here and appreciate my affection!_ ”

“Fuck off, Bill!”


	15. Sidereal

Dipper slowly woke to the feeling of a light touch. He tried to hold back a giggle as he felt Bill’s fingertips trailing his back.

“Bill—”

“Sssh.”

Dipper stayed quiet, lips still twitching with amusement. He curled up further on his pillow. Bill’s fingers went to the back of his neck to his side to the small of his back and so on.

“Bill—”

“ _Sssh_.”

“Bill, what are you doing?”

“…I am … making a star map. And I need to concentrate so _sssh._ ”

“Ah. Of course.”

He felt Bill pressing his lips against his shoulder. His eyes fluttered shut, falling back to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [[strrix]](http://definingbillcipher.tumblr.com/post/142703299218/pls-dipper-just-love-this-child) A lovely drawing from the lovely strrix. They're so amazing, I love them so much.


	16. Criminal

“Oh my god, _oh my god_ …”

“ _Shut up_ , Pine Tree.”

“Bill, if that cop sees you in the front seat without a license, he’s going to give us a ticket. We can’t afford that!”

Bill bit his lip, tapping the driver’s wheel with his fingertips as he pulled the car over. The cop’s sirens were still wailing. Dipper hid his face in his hands, too panicked to think. _This was just supposed to be a practice drive!_

“Pine Tree, switch seats with me.”

“What?”

“Just _do it_.”

Dipper didn’t have time to think before Bill undid his own seatbelt and squirmed into the passenger seat. He was practically kicked into the driver’s seat and was barely able to put his seatbelt on before the cop appeared at his window.

“G-good afternoon, officer,” he said with a twitching smile. The cop was frowning, eyes hidden behind aviator shades. “Something I could do for you?”

“Yeah. I’d like to see your friend’s license and registration.”

Bill’s face flushed bright red. Dipper groaned, thumping his head on the wheel.


	17. Bottom

Bill released a gasp as his back connected to the bed, although he was quickly silenced as Dipper pressed his mouth against his. Breathing sharply through his nose, Bill raked his fingers through Dipper’s hair, tilting his head to deepen the kiss. A thrill went through him as Dipper moaned softly.

“You could have tried to be a little more subtle,” Dipper mumbled as he pulled away just long enough to yank his shirt off. Bill rolled his eye.

“Who cares if Shooting Star knows what we’re— _ow!_ ” he yelped as Dipper pulled his hoodie off of him. “Maybe you should try being a little bit gentler, have you ever thought of that?”

“Oh _please_ ,” Dipper huffed, bringing him in for another deep kiss that left Bill dizzy.

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” Bill said breathlessly.


	18. Anal

Bill winced as he sat down on the kitchen chair, pain twinging in his backside. _Ow, ow, shit, fuck._ He rested his forehead on the table, groaning. He’s been in pain all morning.

He looked up when he heard a small cough. Dipper was staring at his book, but his twitching mouth gave him away. Bill glared at him until Dipper eventually broke, snickering.

“I-I’m sorry,” he said.

“Oh, is my pain funny to you?” Bill sat up, frowning as Dipper continued to chuckle. “This is _your_ fault I’m like this.”

“I know.” A smug grin crossed his lips and Bill wanted to smack it off. _Bastard_. He sat back and crossed his arms.

“Maybe if you weren’t so clumsy I wouldn’t be in so much pain.”

The grin instantly fell, much to Bill’s glee. “Hey …”

Now it was Bill’s turn to snicker. When Dipper continued to pout, he rolled his eye and leaned over to place a swift kiss on his jaw. “Don’t be dumb, I was just kidding.”

“It was still cheap shot …”

“Think of it like this, Pine Tree; you could be the absolute worst when it comes to sex, and I wouldn’t even know it.”

“I …” Dipper paused to consider it. “Well, yeah.”

“See? No reason to be insecure. Now make me some bacon, already.”


	19. Dog

Bill happily enjoyed his chocolate ice cream cone as Dipper led him by his hand through the park. It was a nice, sunny day outside, with clear skies and a cool breeze. It was able to put even Bill in a good mood.

That was, until, a dark shape started bounding towards them. Bill froze, trying to back off, but Dipper’s hand kept him firmly in place.

“Aw, what a cute dog,” Dipper said with a smile.

The large monster bounded right for them and Dipper knelt down, scratching behind its ears. Its bright pink tongue was lolling out of its mouth. Much to Bill’s distress, it came right up to him.

“ _Shoo_ ,” he spat, taking his hand from Dipper to try waving it away. The beast wouldn’t budge, sniffing loudly at his knees. “Go away, you mongrel!”

“Oh, come on, Bill.”

Bill would have retorted, but then the dog released a loud _BOOF!_ and he screamed, sprinting in the opposite direction.


	20. Youth

Stan sighed as he reclined onto the couch. _Yeah, that’s the stuff_ , he thought, leaning back to chug his beer. He smacked his lips, looking towards the forest. _Just what an old man needs._

A loud noise drew his attention. Then, a small man in a giant red hat burst through the forest shrubbery, running and yelling. The small man was quickly followed by that weird kid his niece and nephew had been hanging out with. The kid ( _what was it? Bill?_ ) was wearing a small, red dress and poorly applied makeup. He was cursing, arms extended as he chased the gnome.

 _Kids these days,_ Stan thought, shaking his head as he took another sip. _With their gnomes and cocktail dresses … wait, what?_

But the kid had already run around the house, screaming swear words Stan didn’t even recognize. _Whatever._ He settled back down, continuing to enjoy his beer and the scenery.


	21. Playground

Dipper had settled in a comfortable rhythm of pushing Bill forward on the swing set. Fifteen minutes already passed and Bill still had yet to stop giggling. The laughter was infectious and Dipper found his lips twisting with amusement.

Suddenly, Bill cocked his head. “Hey, Pine Tree, I’m gonna jump.”

Dipper froze. He had an image of Bill leaping off of the swing and breaking his legs as he landed. “Uh, Bill, I don’t think that’s such a good idea.”

“I’m gonna jump.”

“Bill, _no._ ”

But Bill still readied himself. As he swung towards him, Dipper moved without thinking, wrapping his arms around Bill’s waist. Bill yelped, and Dipper dug his heels into the sand. It proved fruitless, as the two of them went crashing to the ground.

“Ow …” Dipper groaned, rubbing his head. Half of his body was trapped under Bill, who looked bent at an uncomfortable angle.

“Well done, Pine Tree,” Bill said weakly.


	22. Skull

Bill was grinning as he dusted down the small cat skull with a small brush. He was humming to himself. Dipper watched him, frowning and sweat accumulating on the back of his neck.

He couldn’t help but feel vaguely disturbed, the feeling made worse when he paused to consider the shelf of skulls Bill has apparently been collecting. _How did I not know about this …?_

Seeming to be done, Bill put the skull on the shelf with the others. He turned back to Dipper, smiling. Dipper shook his head.

“Sometimes I forget how weird you really are,” he said.


	23. Brushing

“Ow … ow … _ow_ … _fucking hell,_ Star.”

“Seriously, Bill, when was the last time you brushed your hair?”

Bill snorted, looking back down at his book instead of answering.

Mabel rolled her eyes and then continued to war against the knots in Bill’s hair. It was actually kind of amazing how tangled it had gotten. Feeling like she’s reached a good stopping point, she set down the brush and began dividing a portion of his hair into sections between her fingertips.

“Okay, Bill, what color ribbon do you want me to use this time?” she asked as she began braiding.

“Uuuh. What color was the last one?”

“Green.”

“Green, green … How about orange? Oh, actually, I want blue.”

“One blue ribbon, coming up.”


	24. Flowers

Bill crinkled the wrapping around the bouquet of roses, bouncing his leg as he sat at the kitchen table, giddy with bubbling excitement. _Finally_ he’d get the jump on Dipper for romantic gift giving. Normally, he didn’t care for this sort of thing; it would be far funnier to give him a garland made of rotten cheese.

But _dammit¸_ he _had_ to do something about this emotional debt he’s accumulated.

No longer would he stand idly by as Dipper showered him with breakfasts in bed and fun trips to the beach or movies! Bill spent all his money on this grand bouquet and even had a plan for a hike in the woods. He was going to _dazzle_ the man if it killed him.

Distracted by his thoughts, he didn’t notice the small buzzing right away. He noticed the bee just as it neared his face and he screamed, leaping up and using the object nearest to him as a bludgeoning weapon.

By the time he realized what he had done, the flowers were already destroyed.

_I … I spent $60 on those …_

Bill smacked his head on the table, drowning in a wave of self-loathing.


	25. Glitter

The ruby ring glittered underneath the florescent lighting of the jewelry store. Bill was dazzled by it. It reminded him of the earrings Pacifica would sometimes wear. He always wanted something like them.

Too bad it was over $700. _Christ. Why does an obscene show of wealth have to be so expensive?_

He looked over his shoulder. The clerk wasn’t paying attention to him at the moment, distracted by some other customers. Perhaps he could … just take it? There was a blind spot from the cameras in the corner of the store. Could he just … slip it in his pocket and walk out?

He was already fantasizing about wearing the ring and driving Northwest mad with envy. Smirking, he closed the box, picking it up and turning. He ran headlong into Dipper’s chest.

_Shit!_

Dipper was frowning and narrowing his eyes, looking distinctly unimpressed. Bill knew there was nothing he could say, so he bowed his head and put the ring back on the counter.


	26. Internet

Since the Mystery Shack had made a larger profit that month, Mabel thought it would be a good idea to spend that money on a nice evening around town. Dipper said Bill could choose a place to eat out as a reward for doing all of his chores.

 _About time all my hard work paid off_ , he thought giddily, pacing about the attic. _Now, where’s a good place to eat around here?_ It wasn’t often they went to any restaurants. _Oh, I know, I’ll use that internet thing._

He pulled out his phone and took a seat on his bed. _Eating … out …_ he typed slowly. Expecting a list of restaurants, he was surprised to find something akin to a … movie poster?

Curious, he clicked on the page link and was led, strangely enough, to a video. A video of two men talking to each other, although they soon moved on to other things.

 _What is … wait, what’s going on? Why is that guy …?_ He blanched. _What is he doing with his mouth?!_

He couldn’t look away. It was like watching a train wreck, only this was giving him weird feelings. _Warm_ feelings.

_What the hell is going on?!_

Down in the front yard, Dipper looked up when he heard the sound of a breaking glass. He had turned just in time to see a black phone fly out of the attic window. _What the …?_


	27. Sweets

Despite his best efforts, Dipper was still somehow able to lose Bill somewhere in the novelty store. _Come on, we don’t have time for this_ , he thought, checking the aisles for his missing friend. _We’re already late to Pacifica’s soiree._

His attention was drawn by the sound of shouting and a shocked scream. _Oh god, please tell me he’s not over there_. He followed the noise, regardless, and was unsurprisingly disappointed.

Bill was bent at an awkward angle underneath some candy dispensers, mouth wide open underneath a waterfall of jellybeans. He was surrounded by a small crowd of horrified people. A store manager was yelling at him, holding up a broom like he intended to use it as a weapon.

“Sir, I asked you to _leave!_ ”

“If I asked you to tear off your arms and legs and beat a kid with them, would you still do it?” Bill said through a mouthful of candy. “Back off!”

“Okay, that’s enough,” Dipper said, reaching out for Bill’s waist. Bill hissed at him, clinging to the machine, but Dipper easily pried him off. He pulled the stack of money meant for alcohol and food and placed it on the counter. He hoped it was enough to cover physical and emotional damages. “Sorry about that,” he said to the manager, and then began walking towards the entrance with Bill spitting and squirming under his arm.


	28. Desperate

Pacifica idly sipped her wine, staring over the rim of her glass. The two were making another attempt at … ah, flirting isn’t the best word but it was the only thing she could think of. It was mostly just the two of them bantering and bickering and staring at each other in the corner of their eyes.

 _Dipper and Bill … I guess I could say I saw it coming._ It was totally obvious they were together, too, by the way they touched and talked to each other. She could tell the minute they walked through the door that something was different. _But why didn’t they want to tell me about it? Me! I’m their best friend!_ Well, that probably couldn’t be said of Bill, but she and Dipper went way back!

Still, she was sure they had their reasons, but it posed a great challenge to keep the information to herself. There were so many opportunities to tease them about it, but she bit her tongue. The greatest challenge proved to be when the night was over. Dipper said that they were going to bed, but the way Bill was nearly dragging him to their room told a different story.

“Good night, Pacifica,” Dipper said, face bright red. _God, he couldn’t be more obvious if he tried!_ Surely that meant he deserved a well-placed jibe. _‘Hey, there’s some lotion in the guest bathroom if you, ah, have any need of it’,_ she wanted to say.

“Night, Dipdop,” was all she said, instantly regretting it as Dipper smiled and left the room. It was such a perfect opportunity and she let it go to waste.

_Ah. You’re too soft, Northwest._


End file.
